pendulum

Something shook me awake.. I did not know what.. looked up into my clock which smiled 7.30 am to me... oops I got around almost extra 40 minutes of sleep... just that I was not able to get back there... so I ultimately gave up and concentrated on getting ready to get to college... brooding about the fact of getting up this! early!! I poured gallons of water over my head...

finally deciding i got every garment of mine in their respective places I set out to get to the class... the moment i enter as the hustle starts... I look down to confirm that I haven missed any of my important commodities of clothing... convinced I ask the cute gal in the front row what the whole shit of staring is about... she looks up and promptly replies "common... you are early to class.. what more do you expect???" feeling smug i take my usual seat at the back of the class..

just then the bell rings to confirm to people around that they aren't dreaming seeing me in class early...

I look at the podium expecting my least favourite sir... I just simply hated this guy... given a choice I would spend a day with dinosaurs rather than him... this fool as usual picks me up to answer to his most intelligent question... ha! he is disappointed today as I reply to him in almost a second :) :) people look around to make sure that they heard it right.... confirmed... turn back to start their new gossip topic ME!!!!

It looked like the perfect day of my life... everything happened so well planned...

my lab of all things went very smoothly... without any shouting and me creating the pandemonium around... people looked at me blemished...

I came back in the evening in an euphoric mood... had my usual 6 buck coffee... I get inside my room to get to work for the test for the next day... I was doubting seriously as to whether someone tipped the felix potion into my morning coffee...

whatever it was... I decided to continue the image of MISS PERFECT for the good days to come...

I go to sleep with a smiling face...

just that i don figure out the disturbance in my sleep... something is yelling in ears... probably headache..... wwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnngggg......

oh shit.... I open my eyes for my clock which yelled 8.30am... oh... lord.... am running late again...

I rushed into the bathroom to wash my eyes off the nice dream....

radiation of fear

when the clock chimed eight,
the air tensed around my feet,
i was doubtful whether i could ever stand at ease,
fear engulfed my throat and belly,
and even the shred of hope i was clinging on to shattered,
i was scared... i dint know ever that i could be,
i couldn't bring myself to walk to the door,
anxious of what i would encounter,
people ask me to keep ignoring my problems,
i would be confounded to believe one word of it,
oh! do they know what is happening to me???
easy to comfort... easy to say...
but reality??? sends shivers up my spine...
i go to hell i accept the death of my soul..
god knows why i still stand...
i want the tide to wash over me...
i want the lightening to strike me...
i want a tornado past me...
i want the sun to burn me...
Right into hell i see myself standing in the radiation of fear...

seconds of difference

seconds ticked by,
my brain numb,
hands sweaty,
i thought i would breakdown,
i was completely scared,
my heart thudded hard,
i prayed to god... with all my will,
prayed that my hopes would not stray,
i was anxious... had a pout of nausea,
i realized how it would be for every human,
at this juncture,
oh... god.... i pleaded...
WHAM...
then it came near me... just a few inches away..
i knew it then... i woke up to the euphoria..
for celebrating the victory of India with
smashing six....

nature emotes

thunders roared in anger,

lightening scathing the skies, rocking it,

winds addled in the course of the storm,

as the first drop of rain splattered onto my forehead,

i wondered,

where did such anger causing fear feign??

rain drops struck me like an icy knife..

storm obstructing my line of thought..

still could not cease my brain to work...

irony obvious..

powers was theirs to control thought the human kind,

without a seconds thought to the otherwise dormant kind...

each adding fuel to the already burning fire...

letalone air, water,earth,fire or even the space,

every dog has its day was the saying...

the thought hit... i looked into the skies then,

the thin white line formed from deep within..

i was stunned by the raging thunder..

i faltered...

the wrath felt and seen...

as the lightening formed...

and travelled in line from hell to earth...

an struck me straight across...

the power of it ripping my soul..

i fell motionless on to the ground...

feeling no more delibration....

in the wake of freedom

i got up this morning,
with an absolute warning,
but i still went on,...
never gave it a thought,
with things so cramped in the corner
of my brain,
i need to feel the freedom of life,
for the fact that it is my life,
i want to feel free...

i feel myself squeezed in...
and faced people who used me in,
its still not over some people say,
they trouble me m0re they mean
this way,
i need to feel the freedom of life,
for the fact that it is my life,
i want to feel free.....

oh oh oh... i cry my eyes out in rain,
my heart feeling the pain,i try to escape..
into the freedom of life,
for the fact that it is my life..
i want to feel free..
i want to feel free...
forever...

my autopsy

my heart it speaks too many words,

does it revive all good feelings??? probably not..

filled like a balloon of my negatives,

am i the person i really am,

or am i the one am camouflaging???

does every human have double takes and doubts,

or is it only me???

does my mind seek answers out??

when my heart knows what i yearn the most....

in the meantime i blame god..

for all my flaws i fail to prod...

solitude to the ultimatum,

can be my real post mortem,

and why does it all seem gibberish even to me???

oh god i decieve thee,

for all i feel now is apathy....